It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
