this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She's the barista slut.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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