Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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