Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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