sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
