i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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