I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize