id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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