there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
