That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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