I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
