Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
