I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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