What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
