Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
