If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
