I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
