I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
