I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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