I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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