don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
