This is not my ceiling
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
