Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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