That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
