did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
