By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
