I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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