dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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