TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
