Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
