I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
