guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
