Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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