he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
