At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
