i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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