Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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