like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
