people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
