I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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