it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize