Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
