ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
