he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
