Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
4 words: hood of his car
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
