I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
