and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
