He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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