peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
