You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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