I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize