so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
