Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize