dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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