i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
