There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
