Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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