Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
