Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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