I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
