just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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