He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
