just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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