I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
