Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
