The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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