Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize